I wonder if mobile providers are still getting paid for long distance calls. Because if they are, they have a perverse incentive to keep scammers on the line.

Which, in this isolated case, I’m okay with.

If Alex Jones becomes press secretary, I’ll be convinced that this is all a simulation.

A part of me actually wished that the Onion would have purchased InfoWars, but in secret, like maybe under a subsidiary corp that has a right-wing sounding name.

They don’t change Infowars’ branding or anything but the articles become subtly liberal.

Maybe an overt purchase is better but I really want to troll the right.

Do not under any circumstances bring your cell phone, dumb or not, to a protest.

Memorize important numbers, writing them in your arm if necessary.

Answer all questions with “I assert my fifth amendment right and will not answer any further questions without my attorney.”

There is a scene in Mr Robot where Darlene is able to do a full wipe on her phone without even looking at the screen.

I wish I was that good.

I want a way that I can trigger this from the main lock screen without unlocking the phone.

Like a specific pin you have to enter twice to trigger the full wipe.

You should be able to bring up about:profiles in your browser and set up and launch profiles from there.

I think the onion is stealing my thoughts. I had this thought that this is how Republicans could trick people on not voting. Basically going to “those” areas and pretending to be election workers getting people to cast a "ballot” early. And then telling them that they don’t need to show up on election day.