I wish you can find yourself more comfortable with yourself going forward. It sounds to me that your previous environment wasn’t the most nurturing for your school needs, and you shouldn’t let this mindset carry over anymore.
With your new freedoms (salary yeey) and environment (roommate, adult life) you’ll be able to re discover yourself and your expanding limits. I think you’ll be surprised of what you’re actually capable of.
Usually I get annoyed at assuming a particular culture but this one is unequivocal. Muricans win this easy.